I took yesterday off the gambling train after that motherfucker Lenny Hamilton buried me. I took an edible last night and wiped my brain of any remaining brain cells/losing mojo so today we are rocking and rolling and are back, better than ever.
I’ve been consulted by high school friends to provide guidance into tonight’s NCAA Women’s Basketball slate to help fund their trip to San Antonio to watch their beloved Michigan Wolverines play in the final four.
First things first, I hate Michigan mainly because of Mo Wagner, his tongue and because I’m a grudge guy that will hold a grudge forever after they denied my application. The only way Mo can redeem himself to me is if he put his tongue to good use and licks the side of Sister Jean’s face like Rick James on Chappelle’s Show.
As the undisputed ‘King of the G League’ I’ll have to learn to like Wagner because he’s going to bring an international appeal to the league that we desperately need. Watching the Big Ten Tournament was like G League porn just thinking about the future battles between Isaac Haas and Moe Wagner. I’m salivating right now as I write this…
After reading that you’re probably wondering am I salty that I went to a blue-blood school that hasn’t sniffed a final four and these fuckers are walking to the championship game playing a 9 seed in the elite 8 and a 11 seed in the final four??? You better believe am I. All I have to say is that if you don’t believe your personal net worth is determined by how much Bitcoin you own, the amount of bets you won or how well your alma matters basketball team does in March Madness you probably went to clown college.
Fun Fact: Indiana had an opportunity to hire Beilein over Kelvin Sampson but didn’t because they thought he was “too old”…
Thanks a lot Bart Kaufman.
Atleast we got Tom Crean years later, because just like the old saying goes, final fours are temporary but memes last forever.
Onto the picks…
UCONN destroyed South Carolina early in the season and is likely influencing the massive -18.5 line. Geno Auriemma’s real name is Luigi and I personally refuse to trust him until he goes by Luigi. For that reason, I’m out. UCONN only beat Duke in the sweet 16 by 13 points where they had massive matchup advantages over Duke particularly in the post. When I wasn’t distracted by the love of my life Lexie Brown…
I was noticing weakness on the inside that A’ja Wilson will likely exploit for the Cocks. To put it simply, 18.5 is a shit ton of points to give UCONN playing against South Carolina. Unless, UCONN comes out with a massive chip on their shoulder after South Carolina stole a title from them last year I’d stay away from this matchup.
I’m all over Notre Dame -3. Oregon’s a fraud team. They have had an incredibly easy road up until this point playing against a 15, 11 and 10 seed to get to the elite 8. If my guy Kevin McGuff wasn’t a total bum he would be in this game.
Sidebar: McGuff is a fraud and I hate him. Guy looks like a poor man’s Jimmy Fallon. No one consistently does less with more talent than Kevin McGuff. Kelsey Mitchell not making it past a Sweet 16 is a tragedy. The Buckeyes have underachieved with arguably the best scorer in the country and a roster littered with 5 star transfers year after year and this should be an indictment of McGuff’s coaching abilities. Guy sucks, plain and simple.
Muffet McGraw doesn’t fuck around in March. She hates men that like women’s basketball but I love her. Plain and simple The Muff is a certified bad bitch, and when she pulls out the stilettos it’s game time baby.
Arike Ogunbowale and Jackie Young are going to be feasting on Ducks tonight. I’m all over Notre Dame -3, betting two tanks of gas on the Irish.
We are Muff Diving all the way to San Antonio baby.
Year to date (3-3-0)