Category Archives: Poppin Off

The Office Reboot Should Have an Episode Where Michael Scott Discovers Cryptocurrency


I’m a ideas guy. I genuinely believe a company should buy my brain just so to get exclusive access to my ideas before anyone else. It would be irresponsible for me not to donate my brain to science when I die. NBC recently announced an reboot of “The Office.” “The Office” is one of my favorite shows and I naturally had mixed feelings about the show returning to television. I saw a comment on /r/wallstreetbets that got me thinking. Someone made a suggestion that there should have been an episode where Michael discovered the stock market. I think an episode where Michael discovers cryptocurrency would be gold.

Here’s how I think it could go…


Michael hears about bitcoin on TV as it’s value is rapidly climbing every day. He finally decides to buy in at an all time high.


After buying Michael, basically acts like he’s some sort of bonafide boy genius that discovers cryptocurrency. All he does is talk about bitcoin to anyone that will listen around the office. Michael acts like he’s the first person to ever invest money in something and treats everyone who doesn’t own bitcoin like a peasant. “Bitcoin is the future” and Michael Scott is the wolf of wall street because he bought 0.07 BTC at an all time high.

Ultimately, two weeks after buying in the price drops 20% and Michael gets scared and sells his bitcoin at a loss. He’s baffled that the price isn’t rising 10% everyday.


Ryan is a scam artist going around trying to get people to invest in shit coin ICO that he pumps and dumps


Kelly knows about cryptocurrency because she bought some coin Paris Hilton was promoting on instagram.



Kevin buys bitcoin solely to gamble online. He losses most of it playing dumb games like online slots on company time


Creed was an early adopter and quietly mined bitcoin for years without telling anyone. He’s a multi millionaire.


Angela thinks bitcoin is only for “drug dealers and criminals”


Stanley is the old guy who is very anti bitcoin due to volatility and only believes investing his money in safe ETFs and Mutual Funds in his 401k.


Oscar saw a Netflix documentary and thinks he knows everything about bitcoin. Constantly uses all the buzzwords like “decentralized” and “blockchain” trying to correct people and spewing out regurgitated opinions from others that he found on reddit.

The Office

Andy had an opportunity to get in early on building out a bitcoin exchange with one of his classmates from Cornell but thought it was a dumb idea. The exchange his friends built is now called Coinbase.


Phyllis is the person that repeats a family members opinion to people as if their opinion holds any weight at all and is supposed to matter to random people. She tells everyone repeatedly that “my husband Bob Vance told me bitcoins a scam and it’ll eventually drop because of supply and demand.”

The Office

Jim is the common man who doesn’t really care about bitcoin and wishes everyone would just stop talking about it.

Hey NBC, you’re welcome. If you don’t want to use it I’ve got two words for you…



Came to a Sad Realization Watching the Utah Jazz: I’m at a Hair Crossroad

Watching the Jazz-Rockets game last night, I’ve arrived at a sad realization. As a guy that’s been losing more and more hair I’ve started to ask myself the age-old question, is it time to give up and start buzzing my hair super short every time I get my haircut?

Watching the game I saw my two fates for my hair on the court for the Jazz.

Option 1:

Grow my hair out like Quinn Snyder


Quinn Snyder looks like a Batman villain. He also looks like a slimy executive at a corporation that drips money and has a healthy coke habit. In other words, he looks cool af. It all starts with the hair. This is sort of what I’m looking to do right now.


Unfortunately, with the length my hair is currently at, I look a lot more like Baron Trump than Quinn Snyder. Regardless, the long hair part is an option to cope with a hair line that looks like the McDonalds Golden Arches. For now, Im a work in progress taking the Snyder route.

Option 2:

Trim it down like my man Joe Ingles


Joe Ingles might have the worst hair in the league. I’d even toss him on my Mt. Rushmore of NBA bald guys with Zeller, Manu and Lebron.

bald boy

Joey Bags is the face of what it looks like when you give up on your hair. Trim it down, don’t have to a lot of maintenance or styling but you own up to your balding and don’t look like you’re trying to cover up for a receding hairline which I think is commendable and counts for something.

Looks at this hairline. If I shave it down I look like Ingles.


Watching the game I saw my two fates. I don’t like either of them but hey that’s something for me to deal with. Acceptance is the first stage of recovery, and I’ve accepted that I’m a bald bag. Next step is deciding who I want to be. Bald bag Ingles or Mob Boss Quinn.

Tough decision to make. Rogaine holler at me, let’s start pumping some ads out on I know for a fact you haven’t aligned with any other WNBA-G League-Cyrpto sites so let’s make history baby.

I’m the captain of team #BaldingButImBalling.

If you dont like it, I have two words for you baby


If Romeo Langford Doesn’t Commit to IU, I Will Do Something I Regret

Romeo Langford is set to make his college decision tonight at 7:00 PM EST. Im nervous as fuck right now. I’m going on the record saying that if Romeo does not choose IU, I WILL do something I regret. I don’t know what that is yet, I don’t want to know what that thing will be, but I can guarantee it will be something I regret. One reason I’m confident is that the decision is open to the public at New Albany High School. If Romeo picks Vanderbilt or Kansas he will have essentially scheduled and organized his own murder. If we get to 5 pm and the event is no longer open to the public I will then start freaking out.

If Romeo picks Vandy or Kansas I will let the followers of decide what I do.

And for Romeo this message is for you

If you don’t pick IU, I’ve got two words for you buddy


One thing is for sure. If you make the wrong choice you will leap frog past Isaiah Thomas and Rovell all the way to the front of my shit list.

That’s a list you want no place on. I don’t just end my enemies careers, I murder them and dance on their grave. Look at Isaiah, he’s dead. I killed him.

Darren Rovell is Running Scared

darren_burger_shirt_1It’s simple, Darren Rovell is running scared. Little Darren has been hibernating in his cave ever since the big bad bag has entered his life. It’s sad. It happened to Isaiah Thomas and now it’s happening to Darren. I wish Darren wasn’t such a bitch and would crawl out of his twitter cave and give the people what they want. Papa Johns is actually making it too easy for us. Garlic Sauce by the jug?!!?!? Sounds like a great Friday night to me.

Just me and Darren a couple of guy’s guys hanging out researching #brands going shot for shot of garlic sauce before one of us passes out.

One favorite on this tweet and it’s from the Papa Johns official account. You get a notification everytime a verified account interacts with you so I know D-Man saw this. The guy’s job is literally to tweet, that’s it. Darren probably has an alarm that goes off in his cave every time he gets a tweet from a verified #brand like Papa Johns.

Darren once again, I’m asking you to give the people what they want.

Shot for shot of Papa Johns garlic sauce.


You’re better than this…

Ben Simmons Is Officially Dead to Me

Ben Simmons is officially dead to me. I watched his Showtime documentary this weekend and needless to say he’s a total bag. This fucking clown is sitting in a studio surrounded by microphones whining about how he was exploited by the NCAA while he makes a movie about himself for a major television network. The irony.

Next thing I know, this bag steals my girl from me.

Tinashe is the hottest chick in the game that gets no recognition for being an absolute ten.

This is probably due to the fact that her music is not great and she has yet to receive any level of main stream success. Not even my buddies Metro Boomin or Young Thug could make Tinashe great.

Hey Tinashe, I’ve got a message for you…

You want to save your career all you have to do is one thing…

Make a song with Kaytranada and you’re a star.

Continue to make lackluster albums and you’ll only be known as the chick that’s boning Ben Simmons.

Back to old Benny boy, I’ve got two words for you buddy. POP OFF.

I’ve spent a ton of time in the past 9 months looking at your girl’s Instagram page. Tinashe has her fingerprints all over my spank bank and now I can’t even think about her without knowing she’s getting fucked by an overhyped loser who’s dick probably smells like a philly cheesesteak.

You’ve officially been added to my list of enemies. News flash, I don’t just conquer my enemies. I murder them. Isaiah Thomas…dead. Darren Rovell is scared to leave his cave once I uttered his name from my list, the entire Midwest is dying of hypertension right now as we speak.


You’re next buddy. Sleep with one eye open. And for Tinashe, as far as I’m concerned you’re damaged goods now. At least, I know I’ll always have Lisa Salters by my side

Tommy Wiseau Is Running a Boxer Brief Internet Scam and I Love It

(play this song while reading this post)

I’m late to the party but about a month and a half ago I discovered Tommy Wiseau watching “Disaster Artist” and “The Room” and needless to say I’m obsessed. Tommy is an electric character living in his own world. I love eccentrics and Tommy is the pinnacle.

I went to Tommy’s website  and saw the boxers on the front page and immediately popped on the 3 for 15.99 blue light special.


This occurred on January 27 and I’ve yet to receive the boxers.

Screen Shot 2018-03-18 at 3.24.55 PM

Oddly, this transaction has made me like Tommy even more. The man is a mystery. The more I read about Tommy, the more I see conspiracy theories on where Tommy acquired his wealth to fund “The Rooms” 6 million dollar budget.

I would never guessed an online boxer brief scam. The mystery continues and as the plot thickens all I can do is enjoy the ride and continue to be entertained by the character that is Tommy Wiseau. I can’t knock the hustle

Darren Rovell Is a Hypocrite Fraud and Doesn’t Care About #Brands


On Tuesday Feb. 27, former Northwestern theatre major nerd cuck Darren Rovell broke the news on twitter that the NFL and Papa John’s had ended their sponsorship and Pizza Hut would be the new official Pizza sponsor of the NFL.



Following the saga I issued a challenge to Darren:


Papa Johns got in on the act:


Followed by a series of tweets:

Screen Shot 2018-03-11 at 12.19.14 PM

Nothing but radio silence from Darren, which was sad because everyone knows Darren’s sole job is to tweet. In his defense, he might have been doing some really tough important investigative journalism work for ESPN looking up a Pepsi ad that came out on this day in 1972 but nonetheless he was locked in his twitter cave seeing verified mentions come across his screen from Papa Johns, scared that the big bad BAG was coming to town.


It was a code red lockdown in Rovell’s cave



I’m not mad, I’m disappointed. Scared money don’t make money, Darren. That’s Business 101. Wall Street bro?!?!?! You ever heard of it?

MONEY BE GREEN!!! #BRANDS BE #BRANDS. Read a book for me one time Darren.


I didnt learn that at that Kellogg School of Management, I learned it at the School of Hard Knocks where I graduated Valedictorian.

Class is in session. Darren Rovell is a fraud that shouldn’t be trusted by #brands. Had a great opportunity to pump up the Papa Johns #brand but no, that would require Darren to leave his twitter cave so NO DEAL.

I was #done with Rovell until I saw this tweet where he is now officially dead to me.


You take on Hot Sauce???? But don’t take on me???

Fuck you Darren, you’re a coward. I ended Isaiah Thomas’s career and I’ll end yours too. Probably smart career move on your part to hide in your twitter cave when you hear big bad L Bag is coming to town.

Rovell’s pissed off the wrong guy. I won’t sleep until I get revenge. Sleep with one eye open Darren. L BAG IS COMING


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