Look this might be hard for my slacker readers to relate to but at Bowflex HQ,I don’t get a ton of downtime. This shouldn’t come to a shock to anyone as I am THE NUMBER ONE REFURBISHED BOWFLEX SALESMAN in North America. I’m constantly running around in and out of meetings with customers. My only real downtime and peace at the office comes when I take a shit.
It’s great. Plop myself down in the stall, scroll the ole twitter timeline, look at chicks on Instagram, check out my finances. I’ve got a new beef today and it’s with Brush-Your-Teeth-at-Work guy. I’m in here scrolling twitter looking at Riley Reed videos fantasizing for 5 minutes about a life without sales surrounded by a couple porn star smokes in the Hollywood Hills that want nothing more than to suck my dick after a hard days work giving you guys content gold on PopOffBaby.com and I’ve got Brush-Your-Teeth-at-Work guy ruining my day dream putting on a full dental exam at sink. It’s disgusting, I don’t want to hear it. It’s bad enough listening to your own exam versus someone else’s.
Hey, Brush-Your-Teeth-at-Work guy grow up and start changing your retainer at home. No one wants to listen to you swishing shit around, spitting it out. Let me a watch a minute or two of Riley Reed in peace. Nobody wants to hear that shit. It’s disgusting. Oh you’re probably thinking L Bag take it easy, he’s just trying to take care of his oral health.
The office bathroom should be the one last sacred place at Bowflex HQ. My office used to be a sacred place until I celebrated a massive Q3 with my secretary on my desk. Im sorry. Sue me. What was I supposed to do? Women love closers. I crush quotas while you cry to HR about me. It’s a cycle as old as time itself. HR Departments hate me, Stockholders love me when they see the sales growth baby. POP OFF.