Teanna Trump Is Letting My Readers Down

It’s no secret, that I’m a huge porn guy and more specifically a big Teanna Trump guy. She’s hot and a Hoosier which always will earn big points in my book.


When I was in college I worked a really crappy insurance sales job. Our company was a niche agency that specifically targeted senior citizens selling bullshit medicare supplement policies and annuities that anyone with even a tiny bit of financial knowledge would realize are largely useless and bad investments.


One of my favorite parts of the job were the employees that worked for the agency. Our agency provided no base salary for agents so turnover was insanely high. To anyone with a brain, a zero dollar base salary sales job that involves many personal expenses is an instant deal breaker but to most of the employees we had the job was a major step up in their lives. We had former Walmart cashiers, hardo Coast Guard guys, credit card POS system salesman and bartenders turned into insurance sales people. Our office was located in Bloomington, IN and targeted virtually every part of the state south of Bloomington you were willingly to drive to, to meet clients. For those, unfamiliar with Southern Indiana this is largely meth country where dreams go to die one hit at a time.


To put in perspective how bad the area is, Scott County was a county I frequented slangin insurance. Scottsburg, IN is the county seat and the CDC announced there was an AIDs epidemic in the county unlike anything seen in the country. In 2015, when the outbreak was announced nearly 210 people in Scott County contracted HIV, most of which were concentrated in Austin, IN which has a population fewer than 2500 people where nearly 95% of the infected also contracted Hepatitis C. Clean needle programs were rolled out which naturally made waves in Indiana, a notoriously conservative state lead by a delusional governor now Mike Pence who somehow landed a vice president seat.


Throughout the job I meet many down on their luck people and I’ll never forget one guy I came across who bragged to me that he got a blow job from Teanna when they were both employees at Steak and Shake. Needless to say I was jealous af. I’m not a ‘Ten’ by any means. In a room full of men that look exactly like me I’m probably a girls third or fourth choice which is fine because Carmelo Anthony and Chris Bosh went on to have great careers but this guy that bragged to me was definitely not a Ten or a Five. Guy was a true bag loser and from that day I on I made it a personal mission to fuck or at the very least secure a blow job from the goddess Teanna Trump because if he could do it than why couldn’t I. I mean I’m fucking L Bag god dammit.

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I was recently in Bloomington, IN to watch my Hoosiers play over Veterans Day and tossed Teanna a DM to set up a dick appointment specifically spinning it to broadcast on her snapchat so were both gaining something from the transaction. Crickets in response and now I see her instagram yesterday calling for dicks for her snap chat like she’s the Grand Rapids Drive calling an open tryout.


I was crushed and you should be too. I’m a common man with a common mans dick. Not a micro penis but not Lex Steele either and I think I could have been an inspiration to all my dozens and dozens of readers if Teanna was slobbing on my knob on her snapchat.

Side note, about my dick size. I’m currently training for a half marathon. Yes, you read that correctly, L Bag is training for a half marathon. Easily, one of the best benefits of losing a couple pounds is you fat in your grundle area and it goes back into your dick giving you some size back. People don’t talk about that enough but if that doesn’t motivate a kid out there to put down the doughnut and mix in some cardio and a salad I don’t know what will.

So in closing, Teanna if you read this, don’t suck my dick on snapchat for me. I don’t need it, I’d like it, but definitely don’t need it. I’m a proud owner of a fleshlight. Do it for my followers that aren’t making the money the number 1 refurbished bowflex salesman in America makes. Not all my followers drip money and can afford to splurge disposable income on pocket pussies and could be inspired by you blowing a common man’s dick on snapchat. Don’t do it for me. Do it for them and the guys shooting up in Scott County right now.



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