Poppin Off

Fat Guy in a Little Coat

Today I had a big presentation at work. We are talking about a BIG presentation, so big I had to wear a suit.

First and foremost, fuck suits. They’re expensive af, especially for a guy that seems to gain ten pounds every year. Thankfully, I’m not expected to wear a suit everyday selling refurbished Bowflexes but some are not so lucky. I have a lot of friends selling in various industries and I don’t understand why any company would have inside salesman wearing suits. It’s stupid af. The best part of inside sales is your inside and the customers never see you. I have friends with shitty recruiting jobs that have to wear suits everyday and never see their prospects. You’re sales idiots fresh out college making 30k in a year in some shitty recruiting job are getting buried in credit card debt paying for dry cleaning. Forcing inside salesman to wear suits, couldn’t be me.

Back to the presentation. I wake up put my suit on it feels painted on. Big time ‘Fat Guy in a Little Coat’ situation. Thankfully, I finish my presentation and immediately take my jacket off never wanting to put it back on. I take my jacket off and realize I’m pitting beyond belief.

 “Now if you happen to see a nigga

With two sweat patches up under his arms

Look like he been swimmin’ in shoulder height water

Please tell that nigga “put your hands down”-Katt Williams

Remembering the wise words from Katt Williams in Ludacris’s timeless song “Pimpin All Over the World” I put my jacket back on to cover my pits. When I’m reaching back to put my jacket on I rip my shirt.

Tough day to wear suits and an even tougher day to be fat. Luckily, I’m the number one refurbished Bowflex salesman in America and drip money/wealth so it’s nothing to me to walk into a Brooks Brothers outlet store and drop racks on new shirts.

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