The Office Reboot Should Have an Episode Where Michael Scott Discovers Cryptocurrency

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I’m a ideas guy. I genuinely believe a company should buy my brain just so to get exclusive access to my ideas before anyone else. It would be irresponsible for me not to donate my brain to science when I die. NBC recently announced an reboot of “The Office.” “The Office” is one of my favorite shows and I naturally had mixed feelings about the show returning to television. I saw a comment on /r/wallstreetbets that got me thinking. Someone made a suggestion that there should have been an episode where Michael discovered the stock market. I think an episode where Michael discovers cryptocurrency would be gold.

Here’s how I think it could go…

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Michael hears about bitcoin on TV as it’s value is rapidly climbing every day. He finally decides to buy in at an all time high.

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After buying Michael, basically acts like he’s some sort of bonafide boy genius that discovers cryptocurrency. All he does is talk about bitcoin to anyone that will listen around the office. Michael acts like he’s the first person to ever invest money in something and treats everyone who doesn’t own bitcoin like a peasant. “Bitcoin is the future” and Michael Scott is the wolf of wall street because he bought 0.07 BTC at an all time high.

Ultimately, two weeks after buying in the price drops 20% and Michael gets scared and sells his bitcoin at a loss. He’s baffled that the price isn’t rising 10% everyday.

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Ryan is a scam artist going around trying to get people to invest in shit coin ICO that he pumps and dumps

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Kelly knows about cryptocurrency because she bought some coin Paris Hilton was promoting on instagram.

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Kevin buys bitcoin solely to gamble online. He losses most of it playing dumb games like online slots on company time

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Creed was an early adopter and quietly mined bitcoin for years without telling anyone. He’s a multi millionaire.

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Angela thinks bitcoin is only for “drug dealers and criminals”

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Stanley is the old guy who is very anti bitcoin due to volatility and only believes investing his money in safe ETFs and Mutual Funds in his 401k.

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Oscar saw a Netflix documentary and thinks he knows everything about bitcoin. Constantly uses all the buzzwords like “decentralized” and “blockchain” trying to correct people and spewing out regurgitated opinions from others that he found on reddit.

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Andy had an opportunity to get in early on building out a bitcoin exchange with one of his classmates from Cornell but thought it was a dumb idea. The exchange his friends built is now called Coinbase.

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Phyllis is the person that repeats a family members opinion to people as if their opinion holds any weight at all and is supposed to matter to random people. She tells everyone repeatedly that “my husband Bob Vance told me bitcoins a scam and it’ll eventually drop because of supply and demand.”

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Jim is the common man who doesn’t really care about bitcoin and wishes everyone would just stop talking about it.

Hey NBC, you’re welcome. If you don’t want to use it I’ve got two words for you…

POP OFF

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Nick Young Knows How to Improve the WNBA

There we have it folks. Let Instagram models play basketball and the league is saved. Thanks nick. Probably won’t need advertisements on jerseys anymore because the models will sell so much tummy flattening tea and waist trainers the leagues revenue problem will be solved. If only it was this easy. Players will get dehydrated after drinking tummy tea all game will be passing out on the sidelines…

Hey nick young, pop off buddy. I’m going to assume this was an attempt at a joke or I’m just misunderstanding the tweet due to your incoherent typing…but I’m not a huge fan of implying that the way you improve the league is by getting more attractive players. Lick my bag

Swaggy P can pop off. Keep covering the spread or you’ll end up on my shitlist buddy

Dinosaur from Omaha, NE says “Bitcoin is Rat Poison”

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A local dinosaur in Omaha, NE came out from his cave to tell the press that “bitcoin is rat poison.” Hey Warren, Ive got two words for ya, you old bag.

Taking a step back maybe we should listen to what this dinosaur has to say, he does own 400 million shares of Coca Cola so ole Warren definitely knows a thing or two about selling rat poison to the public. Look at this girl, young innocent, bright future ahead of her drinking Warren’s rat poison moving one step closer to type 2 diabetes.

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Seriously, who even gives this bag sound bytes anymore. He’s old af, and doesn’t know how to use an iphone. If you can’t operate an iphone you’re a fucking idiot. Every restaurant in America has 4 year olds playing with iPads at the table.

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Warren’s a fucking man child that eats McDonalds everyday but gets heralded as some kind of prophet because he was a fucking loser as a kid reading the encyclopedia instead of being an actual person having fun. I eat McDonalds all the time and my current girlfriend calls me a slob because I’m fat and my cum tastes like fry grease.

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Plain and simple this guy sucks, and I’m terrified for him because he’s on my hitlist and I kill my enemies. Ever since Warren Buffet cozied up to N’Damakong Suh and corrupted his brain he’s been dead to me. These old white guys like Buffett and Bob Kraft hanging out with rappers/athletes is strange. I’d love to be a fly on the wall listening to their conversations.

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If you hate Bitcoin at this point, youre an idiot and I don’t want you reading PopOffBaby.com. I haven’t met a single person that after spending a tiny bit of time researching cryptocurrency that doesn’t come back thinking this technology has potential to change the world. Buffett was wrong on Google and Amazon and that’s pretty much all you need to know about the guy. He’s a fucking dinosaur from Omaha.

Came to a Sad Realization Watching the Utah Jazz: I’m at a Hair Crossroad

Watching the Jazz-Rockets game last night, I’ve arrived at a sad realization. As a guy that’s been losing more and more hair I’ve started to ask myself the age-old question, is it time to give up and start buzzing my hair super short every time I get my haircut?

Watching the game I saw my two fates for my hair on the court for the Jazz.

Option 1:

Grow my hair out like Quinn Snyder

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Quinn Snyder looks like a Batman villain. He also looks like a slimy executive at a corporation that drips money and has a healthy coke habit. In other words, he looks cool af. It all starts with the hair. This is sort of what I’m looking to do right now.

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Unfortunately, with the length my hair is currently at, I look a lot more like Baron Trump than Quinn Snyder. Regardless, the long hair part is an option to cope with a hair line that looks like the McDonalds Golden Arches. For now, Im a work in progress taking the Snyder route.

Option 2:

Trim it down like my man Joe Ingles

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Joe Ingles might have the worst hair in the league. I’d even toss him on my Mt. Rushmore of NBA bald guys with Zeller, Manu and Lebron.

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Joey Bags is the face of what it looks like when you give up on your hair. Trim it down, don’t have to a lot of maintenance or styling but you own up to your balding and don’t look like you’re trying to cover up for a receding hairline which I think is commendable and counts for something.

Looks at this hairline. If I shave it down I look like Ingles.

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Watching the game I saw my two fates. I don’t like either of them but hey that’s something for me to deal with. Acceptance is the first stage of recovery, and I’ve accepted that I’m a bald bag. Next step is deciding who I want to be. Bald bag Ingles or Mob Boss Quinn.

Tough decision to make. Rogaine holler at me, let’s start pumping some ads out on PopOffBaby.com. I know for a fact you haven’t aligned with any other WNBA-G League-Cyrpto sites so let’s make history baby.

I’m the captain of team #BaldingButImBalling.

If you dont like it, I have two words for you baby

 

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